Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Grum's Sub Shop

1776 Coventry Rd
Cleveland, OH 44118
(216) 321-4781

by Beau Cadiyo

Zach Reed, Ken Johnson and Jeff Johnson are going back to the City Council, and I'm wondering what the hell is wrong with the people who live in their Wards.

The only thing that makes this somewhat bearable is that Cimperman and Cummins pulled out victories.  Also, a delicious Turkey Ridge will help.  But if we want respect, we need to try not to support leaders who have brought such shame and disgrace upon our region.

Grum's Sub Shoppe on Urbanspoon

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Hodge's

668 Euclid Ave. 
Cleveland, OH 44114
(216) 771-4000

By Beau Cadiyo

A friend of mine, Frank, recently tagged me on facebook in a post that said this was the "BEST video EVER."


Before I was able to view the video, a bunch of other people commented about how incredible it was, how much they loved it, etc.  

Now Frank is not a dumb girl; she got a degree at the Cleveland Institute of Art and is now in Chicago, getting another Bachelor's degree and working her tail off in a variety of jobs.  She also has incredible tattoos and showed me how to adjust my sewing machine and make incredible shirts.  She has excellent taste, generally, so I appreciate her opinion on things.  I wondered, though, whether this was actually the best video ever?  I mean, seriously...EVER?  

So I decided to do a comparison.  I watched that video over again and tried to absorb its essence, to really understand it, to observe all of the subtle nuances and special things that she might have observed and I might have missed.  (I'm a mere Sandwich Scientist, after all, not an artist.)  Then I started doing comparisons.  

First, I watched this, or tried to:


This is a popular video - at the time of writing it had garnered 5,100,488 views, which is not insubstantial.  However, the gravitas of the cat in its meaningless motorized meanderings does not nearly make up for the fact that it is still a cat, on a Roomba, sitting down; if it has been viewed that many times, people have spent a total of 163,215 hours watching a cat sitting on a vacuum cleaner.  

Newly disgusted with the unwashed peasant masses, and believing more and more that Frank might be right, I decided to compare her video with this one:


Incredible.  The sheer joy of activity, the clear chemistry, the single perspective - this, my friends, is a great video.  

But at the same time, while the cat video addresses a deep existential dilemma in modern society, this video seems to exist solely to make people smile and rejoice in the joy of life.  It could, of course, be a commentary on our society - that the majority of people stand around, clapping, while others - perhaps, as the dog symbolizes, entities or animals without real consciousness - dance for their amusement.  Is it better than the first?  It is better than the cat, but not better than R. Kelly, at least from a philosophical perspective.  

So I watched this:


Case closed.  While I have no objective opinion and would never say that The Seventh Seal is the best video ever, it is clear that it is far, far ahead of the first video in virtually every way save for diversity, and thus far, far ahead of the other two videos as well.  The ruminations on the transitory nature of life, the striking cinematography, the character development, the plot lines - all of these speak of genius.  

What does this tell me about Frank, and about our society?  Well, first, in order for someone to name something the "best (INSERT OBJECT) ever," it presupposes that that person has some knowledge of every competing object that has existed and has the ability to objectively judge the object in question.  Here, I assumed this based on Frank's credentials and curious grammatical choices.  I said to myself, "Wow, if Frank says this is the 'BEST video EVER,' that means she has seen everything else there is to see and is has the ability to be impartial about them - just as if someone says, 'this is the BEST Italian food EVER,' I think to myself, 'They did not say that it's the best Italian food they've ever had, which would be a subjective opinion that I would believe, so that person must be really old, because Italian food has been around for millennia, doesn't always have a long shelf life, and it doesn't travel well, so for them to have a comprehensive knowledge of Italian food is truly incredible.  I want to know more."  This, clearly, is a failure on my part.  I should not be so trusting when someone says they had the "best Thai food ever," or the "best massage ever," or the "best sailboat race across Lake Erie ever."  Instead, I should be skeptical and ask them what made it the best, and whether they really mean "ever."  

So then I started to question what else she'd told me about her opinions of things.  

I started to question her judgment.  

I started to wonder if we were really friends.  

Then I thought, "That's silly - we're friends on Facebook, so of course we're friends."  

Also, the burger at Hodge's is really good - perhaps the best ever, although I am in no position to offer such an opinion.  

Hodge's Cleveland on Urbanspoon

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

The Black Pig

1865 W 25th St  Cleveland, OH 44113(216) 862-7551theblackpigcleveland.com/

by Beau Cadiyo

I just saw these articles about the folks behind the "Opportunity Corridor" not actually owning www.opportunitycorridor.com .  To summarize: the city and state governments are trying to give them $300 Million for the project and, after however many years, nobody ever thought to buy the relevant domain names.


This, my friends, is Cleveland government at work.


The site itself is a bit dry for my tastes.  I understand - they want to appeal to a wide swath of people, and don't want to offend anyone.  I, of course, am in a different position: I am a Sandwich Scientist™, and my obligation is to the truth.  Toward that end, I offer this to the public and, most especially and sincerely, to the folksies behind www.opportunitycorridor.com for their most liberal use, etc.  To wit:


Q: What is the Opportunity Corridor?
A: We're spending $300,000,000 (THREE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS!!!) to build a three mile road in Cleveland.  It's going to be awesome!


Q: Wait - that's one hundred million dollars per mile, right?
A: Yep.  But again, it's going to be awesome.  Opportunity!


Q: Is this road going to be pedestrian-friendly and help develop businesses and neighborhoods in a sustainable way?
A: No!  It's supposed to make it easier and faster to get from the freeway to the Cleveland Clinic.  It will give West Siders the Opportunity to zip past the poor people!


Q: Hmm.  What about the state of the roads in North-East Ohio?  Shouldn't we be spending money to fill potholes, repave them, or maybe make them more bike and pedestrian-friendly?
A: No.  The money should go to these three miles of road.


Q: Why?
A: Because we think it's a good idea.  Also, it's a Corridor!  Think about how cool that sounds.  "Opportunity Corridor!"  People will like saying it!  


Q: We can barely raise money for our schools.  Can't we spend the money on education?
A: Opportunity Corridor!  It's about opportunity!  This will give children opportunities!  

Q: What opportunities will it give children?  
A: All of them!  


Q: What about public safety?  Shouldn't we spend money to outfit our police - for example, give them spike strips, better equipment and training, and hire more officers to respond to emergencies?
A: One answer: 137 shots.  Do you actually want more police on the streets?  That's just about the last thing we need.  Police will only get in the way of Opportunity, and they will interfere with the Corridor part, too.


Q: What about improving the fire department?
A: The Fire Chief just threatened to stab his officers in their necks.  What would he do with money?  Buy knives?  Do you want more dead firefighters?  


Q: What about using the money for lakefront development - like tearing down Burke and building something that all of the citizens can use?
A: Burke loses over one million dollars a year.  If we gave them money, it would just be throwing good money after bad.  Plus, this street - I mean, Corridor - is going to have medians!


Q: What about the dismal state of public transportation in Cleveland?  Why don't we improve the light rail and bus lines?
A: We are building an awesome Opportunity Corridor.  It's for cars.  We can't spend money to prepare for tomorrow - we need to spend money to cater to the needs of yesterday.


Q: What about all of the vacant land and abandoned buildings?  We can't tear these down fast enough because everyone says there's no money for it.  Isn't that a better use of the money?
A: Opportunity + Corridor + ! = Opportunity Corridor!


Q: Who is this money going toward?  Who benefits?  Which firms are getting the contracts, and whose campaigns are they donating to?
A: Ignore the men behind the curtains.  This is an opportunity for the city to spend $300,000,000 on a road.  Who wouldn't want that?  

Q: Yeah, but you already got $25 Million to start this off, and you couldn't even manage to buy the domain names.  With this level of incompetent management, how are we supposed to trust you with $300 Million?
A: Opportunity!  Corridor!  


###


To the folks behind www.opportunitycorridor.com - I reiterate my position.  Take this at your leisure.  Run with it.  Godspeed.  


Also, the burger at The Black Pig is not bad - it was saucy, juicy and tasty, but both of the ones we ordered were overcooked and the bottom buns fell apart.  The fries, on the other hand, were delicious, especially when dipped in the aioli that they brought out.  


The Black Pig on Urbanspoon


Friday, July 12, 2013

Mister Brisket PSA

I just got this in my email inbox.  As it is public, and it's an advertisement, I figure I can post it here without any legal problems.  If anyone at Mister Brisket doesn't want me promoting their business like this, please let me know.

I like that they have stayed flexible in their approach to business, and that they are constantly innovating and improving.  Mister Brisket is a valuable business in the Cleveland Heights community, primarily because they make sandwiches but also because they add value to their neighborhood, keep people employed, and help pay for services.  But primarily because they make sandwiches.

Love,
Beau Cadiyo

MISTER BRISKET     216 932 8620

CBPIC1
Seven years ago this July, Mister Brisket retooled our business by revamping our store space and adding meat sandwiches to our purchase options.  No longer were we strictly a premium quality butcher shop specializing in home delivery.  We were now a destination for anyone looking for really good corned beef, pastrami or hot brisket.  This changed us significantly.  At a time when we faced ever increased competition for butcher shop sales, it brought in new customers especially from our hometown of Cleveland Heights.  This adaptation, which felt risky at the time, was critical to our survival as a small business in a constantly evolving market.  It also meant that Cleveland had a new purveyor of meat sandwiches and one who was determined to provided the very best in that regard.
primebrskt
Seven years later, we are continuing to improve.  We recently switched from using first cut beef briskets to our Meyer USDA Prime Whole Beef Briskets for all our roasted and barbecued brisket orders.  We also contacted our man in Detroit, Sy Ginsberg, and asked him if he'd be willing to make our USDA Prime Beef Briskets into USDA Prime Raw Corned Beef Briskets.  He agreed.  The result is that we have elevated the corned beef game not only throughout NE Ohio but we believe throughout the entire United States.  The corned beef we are now serving is the most tender, juicy and succulent corned beef in the world. Don't believe us?  Well, we'll give you a reason to try.
OLDMNU 2
The last weekend of this month--July 26 and July 27--we are going to sell all our large sandwiches at the original prices we offered them at when we first opened--$6.50.  Since our current price is 8.95--a relative bargain even now--you are going to be able to get one of our premium quality meat sandwiches--esp. our world class corned beef, brisket or pastrami--for the price you would have paid seven years ago.  So mark the last weekend in July on your calendar and plan to come celebrate our anniversary with us.  We won't disappoint.  Incidentally, cards and gifts are unneccesary.  We just want you to come in and enjoy as our appreciation for your patronage.
strippic
Currently In Stock and On Sale---MNA USDA Prime Strips---16.95/lb
Also available:
MNA USDA Prime Hanger Steaks            12.95/lb
Beef Tenderloin Filets or Roasts                  11.99/lb (weighed prior to trim)
MNA USDA Prime Briskets    4.50/lb (whole)    6.99/lb (first cut)
MNA USDA Choice Skirt Steaks (prime are currently unavailable)    13.99/lb
Beef Ribs                            3.99/lb
Pork baby back Ribs          3.99/lb
Beef Burgers                       4.99/lb
Bacon Burgers                    5.99/lb
Turkey Burgers                   6.50/lb
Pork Butts                          2.49/lb
Smoked Slab Bacon           4.99/lb
USDA Prime Rack of Lamb/Rib Chops    7.99/lb (weighed prior to trim)
Veal Sweetbreads                10.99/lb
Wild Alaskan Halibut--frozen    20.95/lb
Fresh, Natural Fryers        2.99/lb
L'Albatros Wing On Breasts    5.99/lb
All Beef Natural Casing Hot Dogs      7.99/lb
Jumbo Beef Hot Dogs            7.99/lb
Homemade Thai Sausage        5.99/lb

Plus:
USDA Prime Corned Beef Brisket--baked and sliced    14.99/lb
USDA Prime Roasted Beef Brisket--sliced        14.99/lb
Rumanian Beef Pastrami--sliced        14.99/lb

Remember--the weekend of July 26 and 27 all Mister Brisket Large deli sandwiches will revert to our 2006 price of $6.50

We are open today until 5pm and tomorrow until 3pm.  Come visit us, grab a sandwich and head to the Cain Park Arts Festival.

Mister Brisket        216 932 8620



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Mister Brisket, Inc.
2156 South Taylor Road
Cleveland Heights, Ohio 44118
US

Friday, July 5, 2013

West Side Market Cafe


1979 W 25th St  
Cleveland, OH 44113
(216) 579-6800

by Beau Cadiyo

The email arrived in my inbox: did I want to have an adventure?

The answer, as it should be to all right-thinking young men, is yes. The sender of the email, Xperiencedays.com, was more than willing to provide me with one. Best of all, they were going to comp me; I assumed it was with the expectation that I would write about the experience on the sandwich board, although it was never explicitly stated.

I have no qualms about accepting free stuff, then writing about it for the CSB. The only time when it is questionable – and, by that, I mean entirely objectionable - Is when a blogger writes up a product, then does not disclose that they got the item or service for free. I have received offers in the past that I did not take up, only later to see other bloggers in the community write up a glowing review, repeating almost verbatim the sales line I had seen earlier, and never disclosing that it was all part of a giant marketing strategy. I find that morally repugnant.

So, with that understanding, I signed up to receive flight instructions through Xperiencedays.com. However, on the appointed day, I happened to be racing yachts off of the coast. I did so under the impression that we would only have three races, that they would start at 8:30, and I would be done by 1 PM, with plenty of time to get to my 3 p.m. flight lesson. However, it turned out that the organizers had four races in mind, and we ended up being on the water until 4 p.m. With eight hours of racing under our belts, I missed the lesson, and also got a pretty wicked sunburn on my knees. To top it off, we didn't even win our division.  

However, even though I didn't get to enjoy my free lesson in exchange for free publicity, I did want to note that this seems like a pretty awesome organization and they were a true pleasure to deal with. Also, the breakfast sandwich at the West Side Market Café is phenomenal, and, while not free, is pretty darn cheap.

West Side Market Cafe on Urbanspoon

Saturday, May 4, 2013

SOHO


1889 W 25th Street
Cleveland, OH 44113
(216) 298-9090
http://www.sohocleveland.com/

by Beau Cadiyo

One of my pet peeves is when people talk about an action - smoking, drinking, eating red meat - "increasing" the chances of death.  It makes me want to pull a pre-printed card out of my pocket:

Dear Sir/Madam:

The chances of death for all living beings is 100%.  Nothing can increase or decrease the chance of us someday taking a trip to that undiscovered country from whose bourne no traveler returns.  The action or stimulus you just mentioned cannot "increase" the chance of death any more than the opposite action or stimulus would "decrease" it.  I will die.  You will die.  We all will die.  The end.

Sincerely,
Beau Cadiyo
Cleveland Sandwich Board

Death is something we never want to talk about, or think about.  We hate the idea that we are going to die.  So we pretend we're not going to.  We live our lives as if we aren't going to die, as if what we do each and every day does not matter, when, of course, it is vitally, painfully important.  The secretaries in my office, for example, spend a portion of every Monday morning talking about the television they watch.  They spend a portion of every Wednesday talking about how horrible their week has been, or perhaps what the men in their lives are doing.  They spend a portion of every Friday talking about the guys they're going to see that weekend, and the bars they'll visit, and worrying about the weather.  These are the things that occupy their thoughts, their consciousnesses. They wake up thinking about rain and the sun, and go to work thinking about their iPhones or Justin Bieber, and talk about traffic when they are lying in bed with their loved ones.

Television is mindless drivel.  Work is irrelevant.  Worrying about celebrities, or bar scenes, or the weather - is life so small that these are the things we spend our lives thinking about?

What if they recognized that everyone will die, and that we really don't have that much time left?  That everyone alive today will be memories in two hundred years?  That perhaps the race will continue, but that we have no idea, and that it is entirely possible - I'm sorry, it's an inescapable fact - that we don't know when our time will come?  How would you spend your life if you knew that one day you would be dead, but you didn't know when that would be?  Would you continue to live your life vicariously through Rich Kids Of Instagram? Would you spend more time thinking about the Kardashians, or LeBron, or what the next storm will be named?  What if, instead, we all worked hard to do something important?  What if we made smarter decisions on how we focused our mind, and what we paid attention to?  How would that change the world?

The Catfish Po' Boy at SOHO has an exceptional filling, but the bread was somewhat disappointing - a bit overly fluffed, overly prominent.  The chefs do an excellent job with everything else, and the bartenders mix some incredible cocktails; if they just changed the bread a bit, it would be one of the best sandwiches in Cleveland.

SOHO Kitchen & Bar on Urbanspoon

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Local Tavern


29007 Chardon Rd 
Willoughby Hills, OH 44092
(440) 943-5926
by Beau Cadiyo

Bite: Support blatant sexism by going to Bal Ingenieux at Halcyon Lodge, and the burgers at the Local Tavern are excellent.  

By now, you probably know what just happened in Wilcox County, Georgia.  If you don't, let me recap:

In 2013, a Georgia high school held its first integrated prom.  

That's right.  White students and black students went to the same prom.  Until this last weekend, all of the proms at the local high school were segregated: white students went to the white prom, black students went to the black prom, and nobody - no, nobody - crossed that line.  

The nation, and really the civilized world, was stunned that this was still happening - that people were not only being treated differently based on race, but that it was being supported, and implicitly condoned, by a school district in America.  How, we asked ourselves, was this still going on?  The simple answer: nobody really questioned it.  The school district "decided" not to hold prom, and the parents were left to their segregationist ways.  Until this year, the community gave this division their full support.  It goes to prove that in order for evil to thrive - or, in this case, bigotry - the only thing that has to happen is for good people to stay silent.  

Here in Cleveland, we know a thing or two about community support of ignorant exclusion, and it's happening this Friday as part of Ingenuity Fest.  

I just finished reading the entirely excellent article on Freemasonry and Ingenuity Fest by Frank Sandy in the Scene. To recap: Ingenuity Fest is holding an event at Halcyon Lodge in Ohio City.  Halcyon, of course, is a Freemason temple, and as a Freemason temple, they don't let women in.  You read that right: Ingenuity Fest is supporting a group that, as part of its core principles, excludes half of the world based on gender.  Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot would all be allowed to apply; Jane Campbell, Mother Theresa and Aung San Suu Kyi would not, just because they don't have penises.  Ignoring their long history of racism, which isn't a focus of this article, it's shocking to me that Ingenuity Fest would support this sort of organization with money and attention, particularly when there are so many other places in Cleveland at which this event could be held without this sort of controversy.  I'm sure that they would never think to hold an event at, say, a KKK hall, or the headquarters of the American Nazi Party, no matter how beautiful the inside might be; to support an organization that symbolizes "No Girls Allowed" is just baffling.  

So it is strange that a progressive organization like Ingenuity Fest would want to put money in their coffers and help them stay solvent. It is exceptionally odd that progressive people in the community would pay to support this sort of sexism.  I mean, didn't anyone think this through?  Didn't anyone question where the money was going, or the basic tenets of this group?  Were they so blinded by the opportunity to see inside this windowless building that they decided to ignore their own principles and shell out the cash to support sexism - in 2013?!?

Apparently not.  Apparently, for far too long, good people in Cleveland have been staying silent.  

I urge you to write Dana at Ingenuity Fest and ask them to stop supporting sexism immediately.  You can copy and paste this message:

Stop holding events at Masonic halls.  It is a disgrace that your otherwise fine institution would support this sort of blatant bigotry in the community, and a stain on our city that these sorts of organizations exist at all.  You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Meanwhile, the burgers at the Local Tavern are exceptional.  They are tender, juicy, and they're all served with fresh-cut fries.  What's more, they don't keep any group out based on whether you are a man or woman, black or white, gay or straight.  If you have spare progressive dollars to spare, why not spend them at the Local Tavern?  It is certainly a decision you can justify to your grandchildren.  


Local Tavern on Urbanspoon