Saturday, May 4, 2013


1889 W 25th Street
Cleveland, OH 44113
(216) 298-9090

by Beau Cadiyo

One of my pet peeves is when people talk about an action - smoking, drinking, eating red meat - "increasing" the chances of death.  It makes me want to pull a pre-printed card out of my pocket:

Dear Sir/Madam:

The chances of death for all living beings is 100%.  Nothing can increase or decrease the chance of us someday taking a trip to that undiscovered country from whose bourne no traveler returns.  The action or stimulus you just mentioned cannot "increase" the chance of death any more than the opposite action or stimulus would "decrease" it.  I will die.  You will die.  We all will die.  The end.

Beau Cadiyo
Cleveland Sandwich Board

Death is something we never want to talk about, or think about.  We hate the idea that we are going to die.  So we pretend we're not going to.  We live our lives as if we aren't going to die, as if what we do each and every day does not matter, when, of course, it is vitally, painfully important.  The secretaries in my office, for example, spend a portion of every Monday morning talking about the television they watch.  They spend a portion of every Wednesday talking about how horrible their week has been, or perhaps what the men in their lives are doing.  They spend a portion of every Friday talking about the guys they're going to see that weekend, and the bars they'll visit, and worrying about the weather.  These are the things that occupy their thoughts, their consciousnesses. They wake up thinking about rain and the sun, and go to work thinking about their iPhones or Justin Bieber, and talk about traffic when they are lying in bed with their loved ones.

Television is mindless drivel.  Work is irrelevant.  Worrying about celebrities, or bar scenes, or the weather - is life so small that these are the things we spend our lives thinking about?

What if they recognized that everyone will die, and that we really don't have that much time left?  That everyone alive today will be memories in two hundred years?  That perhaps the race will continue, but that we have no idea, and that it is entirely possible - I'm sorry, it's an inescapable fact - that we don't know when our time will come?  How would you spend your life if you knew that one day you would be dead, but you didn't know when that would be?  Would you continue to live your life vicariously through Rich Kids Of Instagram? Would you spend more time thinking about the Kardashians, or LeBron, or what the next storm will be named?  What if, instead, we all worked hard to do something important?  What if we made smarter decisions on how we focused our mind, and what we paid attention to?  How would that change the world?

The Catfish Po' Boy at SOHO has an exceptional filling, but the bread was somewhat disappointing - a bit overly fluffed, overly prominent.  The chefs do an excellent job with everything else, and the bartenders mix some incredible cocktails; if they just changed the bread a bit, it would be one of the best sandwiches in Cleveland.

SOHO Kitchen & Bar on Urbanspoon

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Local Tavern

29007 Chardon Rd 
Willoughby Hills, OH 44092
(440) 943-5926
by Beau Cadiyo

Bite: Support blatant sexism by going to Bal Ingenieux at Halcyon Lodge, and the burgers at the Local Tavern are excellent.  

By now, you probably know what just happened in Wilcox County, Georgia.  If you don't, let me recap:

In 2013, a Georgia high school held its first integrated prom.  

That's right.  White students and black students went to the same prom.  Until this last weekend, all of the proms at the local high school were segregated: white students went to the white prom, black students went to the black prom, and nobody - no, nobody - crossed that line.  

The nation, and really the civilized world, was stunned that this was still happening - that people were not only being treated differently based on race, but that it was being supported, and implicitly condoned, by a school district in America.  How, we asked ourselves, was this still going on?  The simple answer: nobody really questioned it.  The school district "decided" not to hold prom, and the parents were left to their segregationist ways.  Until this year, the community gave this division their full support.  It goes to prove that in order for evil to thrive - or, in this case, bigotry - the only thing that has to happen is for good people to stay silent.  

Here in Cleveland, we know a thing or two about community support of ignorant exclusion, and it's happening this Friday as part of Ingenuity Fest.  

I just finished reading the entirely excellent article on Freemasonry and Ingenuity Fest by Frank Sandy in the Scene. To recap: Ingenuity Fest is holding an event at Halcyon Lodge in Ohio City.  Halcyon, of course, is a Freemason temple, and as a Freemason temple, they don't let women in.  You read that right: Ingenuity Fest is supporting a group that, as part of its core principles, excludes half of the world based on gender.  Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot would all be allowed to apply; Jane Campbell, Mother Theresa and Aung San Suu Kyi would not, just because they don't have penises.  Ignoring their long history of racism, which isn't a focus of this article, it's shocking to me that Ingenuity Fest would support this sort of organization with money and attention, particularly when there are so many other places in Cleveland at which this event could be held without this sort of controversy.  I'm sure that they would never think to hold an event at, say, a KKK hall, or the headquarters of the American Nazi Party, no matter how beautiful the inside might be; to support an organization that symbolizes "No Girls Allowed" is just baffling.  

So it is strange that a progressive organization like Ingenuity Fest would want to put money in their coffers and help them stay solvent. It is exceptionally odd that progressive people in the community would pay to support this sort of sexism.  I mean, didn't anyone think this through?  Didn't anyone question where the money was going, or the basic tenets of this group?  Were they so blinded by the opportunity to see inside this windowless building that they decided to ignore their own principles and shell out the cash to support sexism - in 2013?!?

Apparently not.  Apparently, for far too long, good people in Cleveland have been staying silent.  

I urge you to write Dana at Ingenuity Fest and ask them to stop supporting sexism immediately.  You can copy and paste this message:

Stop holding events at Masonic halls.  It is a disgrace that your otherwise fine institution would support this sort of blatant bigotry in the community, and a stain on our city that these sorts of organizations exist at all.  You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Meanwhile, the burgers at the Local Tavern are exceptional.  They are tender, juicy, and they're all served with fresh-cut fries.  What's more, they don't keep any group out based on whether you are a man or woman, black or white, gay or straight.  If you have spare progressive dollars to spare, why not spend them at the Local Tavern?  It is certainly a decision you can justify to your grandchildren.  

Local Tavern on Urbanspoon

The Breakfast Bible

Mes amis -

I occasionally have freelanced for the London Review of Breakfasts, an outstanding organization across the pond with a focus on sandwiches.  I'm sorry, on breakfasts.  I have written for them before under the ludicrous nom de plume of T.N. Toost.  The editor, Malcolm Eggs, has just come out with a book called the Breakfast Bible, which is an outstanding collection of recipes, vignettes, reviews, and documented facts about breakfasts around the world, including the United States of America, which is why it is so important to our readership and the world.

He will be visiting New York City on a media blitz from May 10-20.  If you or someone you know is a major media personality in the New York City area, I would highly encourage you or that person you know to reach out to Mr. Eggs immediately via Twitter or some other device, whatever the kids are using these days.  You can also get through to him via my email, which I still check on occasion and will make a point of reviewing until May 20, at least.

Otherwise, order the Bible of Breakfasts and support the magnificent research that is going on in Britain, with which we have a special relationship.

Your friend and critic, Beau Cadiyo