Tuesday, September 28, 2010

KFC Advertising: The Sandwich Scientists™ weigh in

If you’ve been paying attention to recent developments in Sandwich Science™, you may know that KFC has been paying college girls to advertise their Double Down bunless sandwiches on their butts. Naturally, this has raised a stink among radical feminist clerics.

These unchic sheiks need to get some knowledge:
  1. Sex sells. It always has and it always will. It's an irrefutable fact of human nature. If you want to condemn this, then why not condemn Victoria’s Secret for printing “PINK,” Juicy for placing “Juicy” and every college in the country for putting their own logo on sweat pants or yoga pants bottoms - it's the same type of advertising and is only worn by women. But wait: how do I know that companies are doing this? Because I, like 99% of heterosexual males, check out a lot of butts around the world, and I’ve noticed this sort of advertising from Cleveland to Calcutta and San Diego to Singapore. Hell, butts themselves are advertisements of sexual virility. No freedom-loving American should demand that they be permanently obscured by form-concealing fabric.
  2. Humans – yes, men included – are sexual beings. Pretending that we are not, or that our sexual urges should be repressed, denied or ignored, is so 1809. The puritanical, sex-negative, repressed cat-people who wish to push their offensive agenda on the rest of the world, dictating what women should or should not be able to wear, should be tonguepunched in their fartboxes.
  3. We’re going to be looking at these womens' butts regardless of whether KFC is advertising on them or not. Instead of being condemned, KFC should be applauded for allowing women to make money in inventive ways. Denying women the opportunity to do this, or implying, as some have, that these women are incapable of making intelligent decisions about work or their bodies, is sexist in the extreme. Next they’ll be arguing that these women cannot make intelligent decisions about pregnancy, finances and driving.
  4. KFC should also be applauded for encouraging these girls to keep fit. Obesity is an epidemic in America. I can guarantee you that these jobs are awarded on merit, and, in this case, merit is a hot ass. I would be willing to bet a significant amount of money that the people complaining are actually those who would not be able to obtain these jobs and, if they were able to, they would be collecting paychecks from KFC in a heartbeat.

The Spoof is usually stupid. However, they had a good counter-headline to the people complaining: Wienerschnitzel Pays College Men for Ad Space on Crotches. It speaks for itself and, if this were true, you certainly wouldn’t be hearing complaints about the objectification of men. Indeed, liberal thought would mandate that this be celebrated among intellectual crowds and masses alike.

Stop setting double standards; let women work.


1 comment:

Mel said...

Hahah "tonguepunched in their fartboxes." That, sir, is awesome.

Great post today! And yes, I'm female and agree whole-heartedly. And I also look at women's' asses.