Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Das Schnitzel Haus

5728 Pearl Rd.
Parma, OH 44129
440-886-505

By Edward Sandwichhands

Cleveland is a smelly place – a smelly, smelly place. When I moved here I blamed the smell on the lake. But the stench isn’t localized, it follows you. It’s in your dresser when you go to put on your morning clothes – and it crawls into bed with you each night.

Every year Cleveland has this wonderful event called “Taste of Cleveland.” It costs five dollars to get in, the food is overpriced, and it’s located right by the smelly lake. About thirty local restaurants attend this event and serve some of the finest sandwiches this side of Akron.

I attended “Taste of Cleveland” with several close friends. My friends and I were filling our time with comfort food until Nathan arrived on the 9:30 pm Greyhound from Toledo. The Greyhound station is possibly one of the smelliest places in America, especially when the unique smell is compounded with Cleveland’s own. If I was going to make it through a night of horrifying smells and another morning of crippling loneliness, I would have to eat.

I knew that only a hearty sandwich of massive proportions could ease my worries and satiate my hunger. The Germans are a hearty people, who consume all of their traditional foods with mustard and sauerkraut. When the fine employees of ‘Das Schnitzel Haus’ asked me if I would like sauerkraut and mustard on my Schnitzel sandwich I could hardly refuse. Wiener schnitzel is the type of Schnitzel most commonly served in Austria. It consists of thin veal coated in bread crumbs and deep fried. Americans tend to think of Wiener schnitzel as being some type of extravagant hot dog, but really it’s very similar to veal parmesan – minus the parmesan. The schnitzel was delicious. Served on a thick roll and covered in whole grain mustard and sauerkraut - a simple, but filling sandwich. In one bite I felt happy, German, and a little smelly. Despite my predisposition toward taking pleasure in the little things, no sandwich could help me cope with the fact that I would soon be scouring a Greyhound station for my friend in hopes that he hadn’t been murdered or urinated on.

Das Schnitzel Haus in Parma


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9 comments:

Anonymous said...

A group of us ate here on 10/17/09. Most of us ordered the Clambake fixings. Well, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT go there to eat food for a Clambake. It was terrible.Here's the reasons why: 1)Sweet potato was overcooked or something...very soggy like mush...several people complained about this. 2)one person just wanted 2 dozen clams, that's it...the waiter brought her one dozen clams and then later brought her the other dozen and the chicken, corn and sweet potato..3)speaking of corn on the cob..isn't it supposed to be sweet? To me, it was not sweet at all..the corn could have been 6 months old..that's what it tasted like..yuk! 4)The restaurant is not HANDICAPPED friendly. I saw a ramp that went into the restaurant but as far as the women's bathrooms, it was not HANDICAPPED accessible (with handles on the wall or even room for a wheelchair to get in).Look out Mr. Carl Monday, this is an EYETEAM exclusive..State of Ohio requires that a place of establishment, such as a restaurant that serves food must provide a HANDICAP facility (bathroom) for their patrons. 5)Also, there were too many steps to go up and down to get to the other side of the restaurant..What's that all about? 6)Forgot that several of the patrons in the group mentioned that the chicken was not cooked inside. This is not good because of food poisoning issues! 7) A few people ordered pork chops or something porky and there were issues with that as well. I am not sure what the problem was there but I know there was dissatisfaction. 8) Also, since WHEN does the State of Ohio REQUIRE that a restaurant include the gratuity (tip for you simple readers) in the bill? Isn't the TIP supposed to be the customers' decision? It's not like the required SALES TAX or anything, is it?

So my review for this restaurant is an F minus..I don't think a restaurant can get any lower than that. Most of the people in the group took their food home. The majority of the people in the group were DISGUSTED with the food and will never go there for dinner again! Look out Carl Monday, I think you have a hot story here!

I’m just being honest here on what happened tonight!

Anonymous said...

A group of us ate here on 10/17/09. Most of us ordered the Clambake fixings. Well, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT go there to eat food for a Clambake. It was terrible.Here's the reasons why: 1)Sweet potato was overcooked or something...very soggy like mush...several people complained about this. 2)one person just wanted 2 dozen clams, that's it...the waiter brought her one dozen clams and then later brought her the other dozen and the chicken, corn and sweet potato..3)speaking of corn on the cob..isn't it supposed to be sweet? To me, it was not sweet at all..the corn could have been 6 months old..that's what it tasted like..yuk! 4)The restaurant is not HANDICAPPED friendly. I saw a ramp that went into the restaurant but as far as the women's bathrooms, it was not HANDICAPPED accessible (with handles on the wall or even room for a wheelchair to get in).Look out Mr. Carl Monday, this is an EYETEAM exclusive..State of Ohio requires that a place of establishment, such as a restaurant that serves food must provide a HANDICAP facility (bathroom) for their patrons. 5)Also, there were too many steps to go up and down to get to the other side of the restaurant..What's that all about? 6)Forgot that several of the patrons in the group mentioned that the chicken was not cooked inside. This is not good because of food poisoning issues! 7) A few people ordered pork chops or something porky and there were issues with that as well. I am not sure what the problem was there but I know there was dissatisfaction. 8) Also, since WHEN does the State of Ohio REQUIRE that a restaurant include the gratuity (tip for you simple readers) in the bill? Isn't the TIP supposed to be the customers' decision? It's not like the required SALES TAX or anything, is it?

So my review for this restaurant is an F minus..I don't think a restaurant can get any lower than that. Most of the people in the group took their food home. The majority of the people in the group were DISGUSTED with the food and will never go there for dinner again! Look out Carl Monday, I think you have a hot story here!

I’m just being honest here on what happened tonight!

Peachy said...

A group of us ate here on 10/17/09. Most of us ordered the Clambake fixings. Well, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT go there to eat food for a Clambake. It was terrible.Here's the reasons why: 1)Sweet potato was overcooked or something...very soggy like mush...several people complained about this. 2)one person just wanted 2 dozen clams, that's it...the waiter brought her one dozen clams and then later brought her the other dozen and the chicken, corn and sweet potato..3)speaking of corn on the cob..isn't it supposed to be sweet? To me, it was not sweet at all..the corn could have been 6 months old..that's what it tasted like..yuk! 4)The restaurant is not HANDICAPPED friendly. I saw a ramp that went into the restaurant but as far as the women's bathrooms, it was not HANDICAPPED accessible (with handles on the wall or even room for a wheelchair to get in).Look out Mr. Carl Monday, this is an EYETEAM exclusive..State of Ohio requires that a place of establishment, such as a restaurant that serves food must provide a HANDICAP facility (bathroom) for their patrons. 5)Also, there were too many steps to go up and down to get to the other side of the restaurant..What's that all about? 6)Forgot that several of the patrons in the group mentioned that the chicken was not cooked inside. This is not good because of food poisoning issues! 7) A few people ordered pork chops or something porky and there were issues with that as well. I am not sure what the problem was there but I know there was dissatisfaction. 8) Also, since WHEN does the State of Ohio REQUIRE that a restaurant include the gratuity (tip for you simple readers) in the bill? Isn't the TIP supposed to be the customers' decision? It's not like the required SALES TAX or anything, is it?

So my review for this restaurant is an F minus..I don't think a restaurant can get any lower than that. Most of the people in the group took their food home. The majority of the people in the group were DISGUSTED with the food and will never go there for dinner again! Look out Carl Monday, I think you have a hot story here!

I’m just being honest here on what happened tonight!

Peachy said...

A group of us ate here on 10/17/09. Most of us ordered the Clambake fixings. Well, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT go there to eat food for a Clambake. It was terrible.Here's the reasons why: 1)Sweet potato was overcooked or something...very soggy like mush...several people complained about this. 2)one person just wanted 2 dozen clams, that's it...the waiter brought her one dozen clams and then later brought her the other dozen and the chicken, corn and sweet potato..3)speaking of corn on the cob..isn't it supposed to be sweet? To me, it was not sweet at all..the corn could have been 6 months old..that's what it tasted like..yuk! 4)The restaurant is not HANDICAPPED friendly. I saw a ramp that went into the restaurant but as far as the women's bathrooms, it was not HANDICAPPED accessible (with handles on the wall or even room for a wheelchair to get in).Look out Mr. Carl Monday, this is an EYETEAM exclusive..State of Ohio requires that a place of establishment, such as a restaurant that serves food must provide a HANDICAP facility (bathroom) for their patrons. 5)Also, there were too many steps to go up and down to get to the other side of the restaurant..What's that all about? 6)Forgot that several of the patrons in the group mentioned that the chicken was not cooked inside. This is not good because of food poisoning issues! 7) A few people ordered pork chops or something porky and there were issues with that as well. I am not sure what the problem was there but I know there was dissatisfaction. 8) Also, since WHEN does the State of Ohio REQUIRE that a restaurant include the gratuity (tip for you simple readers) in the bill? Isn't the TIP supposed to be the customers' decision? It's not like the required SALES TAX or anything, is it?

So my review for this restaurant is an F minus..I don't think a restaurant can get any lower than that. Most of the people in the group took their food home. The majority of the people in the group were DISGUSTED with the food and will never go there for dinner again! Look out Carl Monday, I think you have a hot story here!

I’m just being honest here on what happened tonight!

Peachy said...

A group of us ate here on 10/17/09. Most of us ordered the Clambake fixings. Well, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT go there to eat food for a Clambake. It was terrible.Here's the reasons why: 1)Sweet potato was overcooked or something...very soggy like mush...several people complained about this. 2)one person just wanted 2 dozen clams, that's it...the waiter brought her one dozen clams and then later brought her the other dozen and the chicken, corn and sweet potato..3)speaking of corn on the cob..isn't it supposed to be sweet? To me, it was not sweet at all..the corn could have been 6 months old..that's what it tasted like..yuk! 4)The restaurant is not HANDICAPPED friendly. I saw a ramp that went into the restaurant but as far as the women's bathrooms, it was not HANDICAPPED accessible (with handles on the wall or even room for a wheelchair to get in).Look out Mr. Carl Monday, this is an EYETEAM exclusive..State of Ohio requires that a place of establishment, such as a restaurant that serves food must provide a HANDICAP facility (bathroom) for their patrons. 5)Also, there were too many steps to go up and down to get to the other side of the restaurant..What's that all about? 6)Forgot that several of the patrons in the group mentioned that the chicken was not cooked inside. This is not good because of food poisoning issues! 7) A few people ordered pork chops or something porky and there were issues with that as well. I am not sure what the problem was there but I know there was dissatisfaction. 8) Also, since WHEN does the State of Ohio REQUIRE that a restaurant include the gratuity (tip for you simple readers) in the bill? Isn't the TIP supposed to be the customers' decision? It's not like the required SALES TAX or anything, is it?

So my review for this restaurant is an F minus..I don't think a restaurant can get any lower than that. Most of the people in the group took their food home. The majority of the people in the group were DISGUSTED with the food and will never go there for dinner again! Look out Carl Monday, I think you have a hot story here!

I’m just being honest here on what happened tonight!

Anonymous said...

wow. she really wanted to get her point across.

My husband and I just ate there and it was pretty darn good authentic German food. My grandfather was German, the place reminded me of him. The kraut and stuffed cabbage were pretty spot on.

AS said...

Anonymous -

Thanks for your comment! Have you traveled to Germany much?

Best,
Beau

Mike said...

Just read your review on Urbanspoon. Not sure what the smelly comment has to do with Das Schnitzel Haus. But, if you don't enjoy the aroma of our fair city, please, by all means, keep yourself at home. We don't need your small-minded, uneducated commentary dragging our city down. That is all, thank you!

Carola said...

Wow, i don't understand why she needed to submit 5 times. pretty ridiculous if you ask me. I mean I own my own little business too and i understand how hard it is to have one, we should be helping eachother in this economy not hurting.
Well anyway, I was born in Germany and with the excellent beer and food, it reminded me of back home! Everything was delicious! One night, about 16 of us came to Das Schnitzel Haus and it was the most funnest time i have ever had in a restaurant, that night they had tamburica playing and we all got up to sing and dance, this place is definitely a place you would want to go if you want to get out of your house but still have that homey feel. The service was outstanding, and everyone was just so friendly. I even got a chance to speak with the owner and she mentioned to me that Schnitzel haus is so old that it used be an actual house that they literally picked up and placed on that lot. Due to that and how small that place is, that's probably why it isn't so handicap accessible, there really isn't much extra they can add from what I saw. But the food and the environment definitely make up for it.. anytime i ever get a little homesick, i just stop by Das Schnitzel Haus to ease that feeling.