Monday, April 12, 2010

Double Down Day - KFC

200 Richmond St
Painesville, OH 44077
(440) 352-2000
www.kfc.com

Tweets and Reqall by Beau Cadiyo

Bite: KFC will kill the Double Down within three months, but the wax paper sleeve that holds the Double Down will be the most important advance in Sandwich Science™ this year.

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Driving. Blue Chevy impala license plate BV48ZD is blocking my way at Richmond and Erie Streets. (via Reqall.com)

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Just ordered the double down meal. Mashed potatoes. Made a suicide drink of dr pepper and mountain dew. 41 minutes ago via txt

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Just got it. Cheese not melted. Looks glorious though. 34 minutes ago via txt

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3 other people in this place. 2 teenagers and an overweight man. Nobody else ordered one. 38 minutes ago via txt

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Overweight man is scratching a lottery ticket which makes him pant. Not joking. He's breathing so loudly that i'm getting worried. 32 minutes ago via txt

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Cheese melted a bit. Only given one napkin. Man still panting as he eats his wings. 32 minutes ago via txt

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First bite: salty. Moist. Salty. 32 minutes ago via txt

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Second bite amazingly salty. Breading falling off of one piece of chicken from the grease. It's soaked through the wax paper. 32 minutes ago via txt

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Bacon crisp. Man still panting. Putting some sort of sauce on his chicken. 31 minutes ago via txt

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Bites 5-7 salty and moist. Bacon is dominant flavor otherwise. 31 minutes ago via txt

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One downside to using chicken as bread is that the pieces are unevenly matched. One piece is far larger than the other so the filling fa ... 29 minutes ago via txt

lls out. 28 minutes ago via txt

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Now finished with one piece entirely. Other piece looks like vomit, but saltier. The wax paper sleeve is very intelligently designed. 26 minutes ago via txt

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Man still panting. He got up to get a napkin and is wheezing from the effort of walking. I wonder if he is a warning from god. 24 minutes ago via txt

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The sun is shining. The grass is a violent green. God is great. America is beautiful. 14 minutes ago via txt

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Finished. Stomach pushing out a bit but not horribly. I think my drink is helping digest the fat. 22 minutes ago via txt

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Eating his meal caused this guy to sweat through 2 layers of clothing. He just refilled his soda and left. Grateful for my relative health. 13 minutes ago via txt

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All alone now. I feel like i should be somewhat enlightened but instead there is emptiness in my soul (not in my stomach). 10 minutes ago via txt

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Right shoulder inexplicably sore. I was eating with my left hand! 5 minutes ago via txt

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Got closest parking space. Didn't have to walk far. Salt still on lips. Flat tire continues to increase push against waistband. Cliche. less than a minute ago via txt

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A few more words:

1) The wax paper sleeve that my Double Down came in was very, very intelligently designed. It was sealed on two sides in a "V," allowing the consumer to eat the Double Down from various angles. While the grease soaked through mine, my hands were not nearly as greasy as they might have been without the sleeve. I predict that this sandwich will be off of the menu within three months, but the sleeve will be used in more and more sandwiches. The only thing that might make it better is if the paper was edible. Good job, KFC - you've pushed Sandwich Science™ forward in at least one area today!

2) THIS IS NOT A SANDWICH. See White City Shopping Ctr., LP v. PR Rests., LLC, 21 Mass. L. Rep. 565 (Mass. Super. Ct. 2006).

3) The overweight guy sat in his car for seven minutes after he left KFC. I think that the walk tired him out.

KFC on Urbanspoon

7 comments:

Cookbook said...

So basically what you're saying is eating the Double-Down leads to crippling depression immediately after. Nice!

Luke said...

This post wins the Best Description of the week award. Nice work!

Louis said...

I WANT ONE

Anonymous said...

It can't possibly be a coincidence that it has THE EXACT SAME caloric content as a big mac.

Bite Buff said...

Had fun watching the tweet updates, lol. Still interested in swapping guest posts?

AS said...

Thanks, Microsoft Money, for the recognition! http://tinyurl.com/y2vnyd8

Best,
Beau

GJ Wind said...

You really need to get a life. Really.