Friday, July 22, 2011

Is the Polish Boy a perfect food?

I am currently sitting in my office eating a Polish Boy from R. Ribs that I got last night as part of their "buy one, get second for 99 cents" Thursday deal. In my office is a bottle of Sriracha which goes on virtually everything I eat - pizza, chicken, vegetables, breakfast sandwiches, salads, yogurt, apples, bananas. I sometimes even squirt it in my mouth to get a taste, I love it so much. A long time ago, after I got my first bottle, I remember eating something - an omelette, perhaps - and thinking, "this could go on any food and improve it."

Until today, that was true.

The most recent bottle was sitting on my desk next to my coffee, and when I reached over to take a sip I saw it. A few fries had fallen out of the Polish Boy and were lying forlornly on the plate. I reached out and, as an experiment, I squirted a bit of Sriracha on them, scooped them up with my fork, and chewed.

Sriracha can go with fries, of course, and with virtually any other potato product - Spanish omelettes, mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, microwaved potatoes, potato salad, etc. But when I put these into my mouth, I knew I had made a mistake. The Sriracha was there, and had the same old familiar bite, but instead of improving the taste it somehow clashed in a way it has never clashed with any other food before. My face scrunched up and I immediately separated the now-contaminated fries from the rest of the Polish Boy and ate them quickly, then moved on to the deliciousness that is R. Ribs' sausage/coleslaw/fry/sauce/bun combination.

My mind couldn't process it immediately, but about three minutes later I had the thought: if, as is indisputable, Sriracha can improve anything, and that perfect things cannot be improved, and that Sriracha does not improve a Polish Boy, does it not follow that the Polish Boy is a complete and perfect sandwich? Is that not logic, complete and unbreakable and pure?

I submit to you that it is, and I suggest to you that you find yourself a Polish Boy this weekend, cut two small portions off of it, eat one small portion, eat the other with Sriracha, and then eat the rest of the Polish Boy understanding far more about logic, balance, perfection and indisputable facts than you ever did previously.

Have a lovely weekend, my friend.



Kingtycoon said...

I go by there every day and didn't give it a try - I guess I'm persuaded.

Jason Burchaski said...

The Polish boy is that good. It's one of those sandwiches created out of not need but out of absolute necessity. You know what had to happen was the classic chocolate peanut butter battle that brought us the Reese Cup. Some guy, probably a trucker or cop, in a hurry orders a kielbasa sandwich with fries an coleslaw. Think Jackie Gleason in Smokey and the Bandit ordering his "Diablo Sandwich". He sees the Bandit, grabs his food in the Styrofoam container and a high speed pursuit ensues. The Diablo is a mess after his high speed chase, burger here fries there but you know what he is hungry and it still looks good.

I think the same might have been the case of the Polish Boy. It's more romantic than the real story I am sure, but I like mine better. The Polish Boy is the perfect food. There is no sum of the equal parts that is better than the other. The Kielbasa is just a beef and pork link, the bun forgettable, the slaw is just slaw, the fries are only fries, and the sauce on top should you dare is the icing on the cake. On their own it's kind of a boring meal. Think about it on a plate deconstructed and then think about the Polish Boy as a whole. It works together because ever bite compliments one another. If you deviate from the standard it just doesn't work.

Anonymous said...

I guess that most people who think that Polish Boys have fries even some say fish with them have never had a true polish boy.

I've eaten polish boys since the '70's from street vendors and others. A good polish boy sausage doesn't need anything on it other than perhaps mustard, onions, peppers, and perhaps a tomato ketchup for those who can't live without the red stuff.

I guess that every generation has to try and recreate the next sensation in their own liks.