Saturday, April 26, 2008

Captain Tony’s Pizza and Pasta Emporium

Worldwide Pizza Franchise
13208 Shaker Square
Cleveland, OH 44120

By Edward Sandwichhands

Captain Tony’s is a quaint take out place located in Shaker Square with five accommodating tables, a large menu, and the type of witty banter you can expect from any fine establishment in Cleveland. I wouldn’t recommend going to Captain Tony’s to pick up women, but if you are looking to pick up balding, overweight, thirty-something men and a case of indigestion – Captain Tony’s is the spot.

For $28 we managed to fill our entire table with two orders of toto-fries, an order of cheese breadsticks, a side salad, two eggplant parmesan sandwiches and a gyro. The order was absurd; we clearly had no idea what we were doing. Captain Tony told us we wouldn’t finish everything. I hate being told that I can’t do something, but he was right: we ordered way too much.

The fries and breadsticks were better than I’d expect from a worldwide pizza franchise. Unfortunately, the eggplant parmesan just didn’t do it for me: the roll was burdened with eggplant to the point that the sandwich was sloppy and difficult to eat. (I’d describe it as a ship about to capsize) When I order eggplant parmesan I like a firm balance of eggplant, cheese and sauce. It’s not like they have to live together in perfect harmony; I just feel they need to be reasonably well proportioned. My sandwich was loaded with eggplant but lacking the necessary amounts of sauce and cheese. I don’t need my sandwich “smothered” like old D.John, but there are rules to the sandwich game:

Rule 1) All sandwiches must be delicious.
Rule 2) All sandwiches must be made with fresh ingredients.
Rule 3) All sandwiches must be well presented.
Rule 4) All sandwiches must have proper form
Rule 5) All sandwiches must have well proportioned ingredients.

These are the cardinal rules of sandwiches. To break one of these rules is, in my eyes, a sin against God and country. Any sandwich that fails to comply with the above list of rules should be reported to the Cleveland Sandwich Board immediately. If you venture to Captain Tony’s, I’d stick to the pizza and the salads. If you want a sandwich, go somewhere that knows the rules of the game.

Captain Tony's Pizza & Pasta Emporium in Cleveland

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I happen to frequent Captain Tony's at Shaker Square very often and my favorite item on the menu is the Eggplant Sub. I ask for it sloppy and love it that way. To each is own, but that doesn't make the sandwiches there any less great.